I read other people's blogs and think I need to get back to writing... and years go by and I just forget to put my thoughts on paper and tell myself I'm too busy to write. But then I look at how much time I waste in a day and I can move some of that wasted time to writing... Some days my thoughts are great and some days my life feels like it is spiraling out of control. I have no clue where this writing thing will take me- if it wil have any consistency or any value to anyone but me. I'm not inviting anyone to read this, but anyone is welcome to read what spews from this mouth of mine, but please no judging... this is me being me, this is me being real. Being real is hard- being me is hard- being a grown up is hard- being a parent is really hard- sometimes life is just hard. But when I look at my life its good- way more good than bad- so I'm going to work really hard to focus on the good- although I guarantee I will write about the bad... and everything in between.
This year I'm trying to light some fires- fires to motivate me to do what I want to do, fires to make me a better mom, fires to make me a better wife and most importantly fires to make me a better Christian. Fires can be good- until they turn out of control and then they are bad- and so today my wish is to keep the good fires going. Realize that there will be times I need to reignite the fire and sometimes it's good to let the bad fires burn out and start over.
I've been on an organizing kick lately, my goal is to simplify my life so I can enjoy my life. I hope that I can get the house to a place where it feels like everything belongs and everyone keep all that stuff where it belongs... I've been trying really hard to think more simply... trying not to buy a lot of stuff- trying to buy what we need at the grocery, trying to not buy new clothes unless we NEED something. After living so materialistically for years, this is a bit of challenge, but I am going to keep trying and try not to get mad at myself when I make an oops and have to start over. Part of this simplification in life is my desire to become completely debt free, no student loans, no car loans and some day I will be. I want to not be tied to debt and not be tied to stuff, so I can take the time and enjoy my family and be happier doing so.
There are days I get mad at myself for decisions from the past, why didn't I stay home with the kids, why didn't I choose a more family friendly career, why did I give up my career, why haven't I done a better job raising my kids, why am I not more faithful to my devotions, why have I still never read the Bible cover to cover? Days I think look at all this time I've wasted, days I've burned too many hours searching online aimlessly, days I think why don't I spend more time with this friend or visit this relative more often. I will probably take time to go into all these questions more in depth, but what I want to try is to not beat myself up, try to slow down and enjoy what's in front of me and start each day out fresh knowing that I can do better today and be the best mom, wife, worker, Christian and friend as I can.
I think that's enough for today, kind of a big ramble which is probably a lot of what you will read if you stick around here and an over use of "..." because well I like to jump from one topic to the next with no rhyme or reason...
Try to slow down and enjoy this crazy life one day at a time !
